pain and therapy out of it

Din cand in cand mai ajung in momente d-astea "de transformare", sau cum le vad eu, pe partea de jos din derularea unei spirale.
In astfel de momente corpul meu o ia razna, nu inteleg ce se intampla cu mine si daca as putea as .. hiberna. Bine, as hiberna in fiecare iarna, dar asta e alta poveste. Partea nasoala in astfel de perioade este ca nu ma pot obiectiva si din acest motiv nu imi pot da seama ce ar trebui sa fac pt a ma pune pe picioare. Si pt ca fac un efort ciudat in a-mi traduce din engleza in romaneste inainte de a scrie, o dau in engleza direct pt ca imi e mai usor.
I intend to send this "link of events" to those who might get to the bottom of it, as it's waaaay to complicated for me to figure it out. Or maybe i'll figure it all out after writing. Writing helps.

Step 1:

During the winter Holiday i decided to make traditional X-mas preparations. Not because i wanted to, but because i want Ann to remember what "traditional X-mas smells like/ is like" so on. I remembered all those times when i asked ma' to let it go and take all easy and she said it was the right thing to do. She used to tell me "As an adult you'll have your own style, but my duty to you is to show you how it's done". And true enough, i do know and pas it fwd. Though i'll be honest: i fuckin' hate all those working hours, hours that could be spent havin' a good time. The nice part was that Ann played along, had fun with the sausages and the X-mas tree and so on. 

This is when it started... Terrible tiredness and an incredible back pain. What was i supposed to to except night therapy?! Pure light therapy - The angels' healing light. 4 hours sleep were enough to have me back on my feet. By the time i finished my daily schedule i was back in the painful state i had been the previous night. But the next morning i was rollin' again..

At some point, in January, i was shopping.I felt like a needle in one of my hips and i knew that in matter of minutes i wouldn't be able to walk properly. The pain came so intense i sighted (that weird moment an old lady looks at you thinking she's healthier than you?). I asked: "Is there anyone who would help me a bit? Thanks!" The next thing the help came. I more like felt the answer "You're not alone", then the heat. I just stood there, in line at the counter, enjoying that tremendous heat going up my spine, that sensation of bursting into flames and the sweat that came with it. I thank and blessed the little (or not so little) guys for helping me. I went straight home and back to the light circuit. During that session faces appeared to me: Lucica and Moni. So the moment i exit the shopping center i knew i need to call one of them for help and that it was beyond me to see myself. 

It took me 2 weeks to set an appointment with Moni and by that time i gained weight. A lot and suddenly. My bathroom scale indicated 4 kilos but i change the size of my trousers every 2 kilos. With those extra 4 kilos i felt as if i'd carry a burden. I can't even breath properly, i can't sleep right. It's like a back-pack i carry inside!

Step 2:
As always, meeting Moni is an insight. :)) She knows that i need her to be as explicit as possible- otherwise the message won't reach me... She said i gathered "material" from my womanly ancestors and i actually became aware of that. So i decided to call for a meeting with them so i could give them back their stuff. Until now it wasn't possible because.. i feel tired. The nest thing she said is that i should "go back to the feeling i had as a kid.

Step 3:
I have a new student who is "like an insight". She also said that sometimes we resist to ourselves. I felt i resisted to this when i heard it so i knew that smth was there indeed. The next thing that came out of her was that maybe... i "should go back to how i felt as a kid". How weird is that, ha?

Step 4: 
I started reading "Angels in my hair" and there was this girl who was used to see angels since forever so i remembered my faeries. And it hit me full speed. One night i took a deep breath and started going back to how i felt as a kid... I was very happy to notice that everything was the way i knew it. Nothing changed, the same peace as always.. And i started "talking" to my guardian angel. This is the only entity i never break contact with. He has a very good sense of humor and i like him a lot, he's a good mate.
It hit me that for a while i've been playing with my "creational toolkit" and i was too caught in playing...

Step 5: 
Started a carbohydrates' diet. I gave away 8 pounds (4 kilos) in about a week. Now i'm taking a break before continuing. The new student taught me to use raw sugar in stead of regular white sugar. 

Step 6:
At some point i had a terrible stomach ache. After 3 days i was desperate thinking i might have a gastritis, as i did in the high-school years.  So one night i asked the healing angels for help. Took a loooong session for myself. The kind i haven't been doing since i became a mother. For hours i was "held in the light", my hands running for the pain all around my body.
The next day, yesterday, i did the same, only this time i asked for healing and help for my entire family. I was very surprised when Ana felt asleep instantly, and 5 minutes later Marian went to bed though he intended to watch a movie by himself..

This is how i knew i was up on the spiral ..